I am flush with regret, in these moments alone. The ones where I remember how rare it is to feel comfortable. To be free to exist and loved no matter how that is, to have my head in your lap.

Do you remember that afternoon where we laid bare skin on you white covers, when I was the most relaxed I have ever been? Tired and buzzing and absolutely comfortable, a moment that exists solely for us. I think of it often, and how what used to be ours is now yours and mine.

Capo 4

VERSE
It’s been awhile now since I have seen the sun,
It’s been awhile now I’ve seen anyone.
I don’t know how that happened,
I just know that it’s true,
So I’ll run I’ll run I’ll run I’ll run to you.

VERSE
Do you remember when we walked out in the park?
Do you remember how we stayed until the dark?
Well I forgot my jacket,
And you forgot yours too,
So I’ll hold on hold on hold on tight to you.

CHORUS
Now I can’t help myself smiling like a fool,
And I can’t help myself when sitting next to you.
I hope you’re feeling just like me,
Darlin' please.

VERSE
I’ve found myself back here many times before,
I’ve found myself back here knocking on your door,
And you’re always there to answer,
It’s like you always knew,
That I was, I was, I was, I was made for you.

CHORUS
Now I can’t help myself smiling like a fool,
And I can’t help myself when sitting next to you.
I hope you’re feeling just like me,
Darlin' please.

Everything we are composed of is the stars. Every breath an infinity, from dust we grew. Clawing and scraping because the world does not care, it just is. And given enough time, like the universe itself, we made ourselves beautiful. So complex that parts must fail, but resilient enough to fix them.

I may not always be able to see it like you do, but I feel it just the same.

My mind swirls with the things you don't remember. I am still consumed by those off handed comments that hit me in just the right way to knock me off balance for years.

I've always wanted to tell my story, but it took me until thirty to realize anyone would want to hear it.

I remember that buzz. It fills my dreams now, my mind spending the nights making what it wants. Awash with daylight, bodies warm from each other, hands held drifting, headed anywhere.

And with the sun came hope. We remembered that we will blossom again, that hibernation has an end. Those first rays on our skin was all it took to reignite our hearts.

Sometimes I spend hours waiting for you to see. And when you do, I know nothing will change.

But I still wait.

Have you seen this yet? Will you ever?

capo 2

How could I misread those signs?
I needed to turn left and all I ever did was turn right.
I left you somewhere behind,
As I was chasing paper trails that only ever lived in my mind.
I know I’ll probably be fine,
But sometimes I wish instead of play that I could just hit rewind.
I could have saved you some time,
Instead I talked in circles and I left us both asking why.

Now late at night I pull you back,
Hold you close and fade to black.
Every time you draw me in,
I can’t help wondering,
If maybe I messed up.
Maybe I’m messed up,
Baby I messed up.
Isn't this messed up?

I didn’t ask you to stay,
And you walked out into the rain and let me take the easy way.
Woke up again today,
Still living with decisions that I wish that I could wish away.
I have you set on replay,
Laughing in the kitchen, and that black dress with the cutaway.
I’ve never been one to pray,
But I was closest in those moments when I couldn’t take my eyes away

Now late at night I pull you back,
Hold you close and fade to black.
Every time you draw me in,
I can’t help wondering,
If maybe I messed up.
Maybe I’m messed up,
Baby I messed up.
Isn't this messed up?

I dipped my toes back in today, inches of darkness, skimming the top of that infinite pool. I could pull out this time, lift myself into the dock, but only because I knew you would be back to save me anyway. And I wanted you to see me dry and safe, like I always hope you are.

Today my bed is unmade, like I sometimes wish I could be. Caught and rumpled and covered in the wrinkles of living. Draped from my nature and unevenly applied, all my shadows and peaks aired. Purposeful but un-composed, a stormwall of swirls and ripples and inevitable direction. Letting fly as only the truly loose can.

Time will unmake me, but with the years I will also unmake myself.

Please let me tell you why I love you. For once just sit there while I bare my soul. Watch the parts of you in me, and let me say how they are some of the best that I am.

I am the sun. Stardust and heat and dreams held close. Filled with movement as I stand still, all I love orbiting me. Bringing the morning and leaving the night. Rising and setting, rising and setting.

Capo 2

VERSE
I’ve been in space since you shot me away,
Now nothing is holding me down.
If I’m honest with you, well I love the weight
These feet were built for ground.

So I’m coming home, I’m charting a course,
From up here in my apogee.
My orbiting’s done and I’m heading down,
Splashing back into the sea.

CHORUS
So tell me again that you love me,
Bring these boots to ground.
Cause I'm light and I'm free and I won't mean a thing,
Till this soul of mine’s earthbound

So pull me back from my orbit,
And land me in the sea,
Where I’m swimming and drowning and everything hurts,
just salt and misery.

VERSE
Now I'm burning up on this threadbare approach,
As I'm falling back down from the sky.
This spacewalk has shown me what I need the most,
So I'm coming back down to your side.

So I'll give my best like I have a choice,
Throw overboard all my sins.
I'll wash up ashore, with the salt and the spit,
and sand pressing into my skin.

CHORUS
So tell me again that you love me,
Bring these boots to ground.
Cause I'm light and I'm free and I won't mean a thing,
Till this soul of mine’s earthbound

So pull me back from my orbit,
And land me in the sea,
Where I’m swimming and drowning and everything hurts,
just salt and misery.

VERSE
So I’m unraveling just like you showed me,
I’m falling apart at the seams,
I’m old and I’m worn and I’m all faded out,
With patchwork all in between

CHORUS
So tell me again that you love me,
Bring these boots to ground.
Cause I'm light and I'm free and I won't mean a thing,
Till this soul of mine’s earthbound

So pull me back from my orbit,
And land me in the sea,
Where I’m swimming and drowning and everything hurts,
just salt and misery.

You called to me last night, you reached straight though the walls. Miles away you said my name and I heard. It was your "it's ok" voice, because somehow you've already forgiven me for everything I will ever do. I wonder if this is how it always sounds to everyone else. It was the most beautiful thing I had felt in months and I never fell back asleep.

I will not remember you like they do. To me you will not be a series of moments, of highlights and low-lights, you will be a feeling, a gestalt of all we have been together. A summation, and only that, stories inseparable from their aggregate. You will be everything at once, because that is the way my mind is. For better or for worse, it is all or nothing in this head.

capo 6

VERSE
I can't help but call you when I am asleep,
You laugh as you wander all over my dreams,
And you keep your hold on me as they fade.
My eyes were closed when I led you to bed,
but only because I had you in my head.

CHORUS
And I, I'm so mad, so mad for you.
So stunningly, wonderfully mad,
So crazily, beautifully mad,
And I, I'm so mad, so mad for you.

VERSE
I see you in sidewalks, I hear you in rain,
I sing to myself when you’re on my brain,
Just passing the time between you and me.
Even last night as I lay on the floor,
Your gravity drew me up onto your shore.

CHORUS
And I, I'm so mad, so mad for you.
So stunningly, wonderfully mad,
So crazily, beautifully mad,
And I, I'm so mad, so mad for you.

VERSE
The world is so big and the future unclear,
You taught me to wander without any fear,
And you came back to me, each time you left.
You’re always beside me, when I’m at my worst,
Ending my hunger and quenching my thirst.

CHORUS
And I, I'm so mad, so mad for you.
So stunningly, wonderfully mad,
So crazily, beautifully mad,
And I, I'm so mad, so mad for you.

Every time I would trade for this. To be found now, for a moment. Make me a plane without landing gear. Crashes for crushes. I would trade anything for this love.

Dear Savanah,
You've been gone for a lot of hours. I know cause each one beeps, reminding me how silent the house is without you. Beep beep dinner beep beep ice cream beep beep bed. Just me and that little gold Casio you were gifted, both of us scuffed up and two minutes off. We miss you.

-w&c