I wonder sometimes which parts of me are most valuable. I hope the mental calculus can save me then, tell me to drop the exercise, pick up the pen, reach out to her. The equations will remind me that failures do factor in, but not as much as I imagined. The numbers will all add up and I will find myself defined. I’ll know the respective values of the parts that sum me. So I can hold each in my hands and inspect it, late at night in bed where those things are done, to see my own beauty. I used to think my life was about building, constructing myself over years into someone I loved. But I am already a home and now I must learn to repair myself.

I was apologizing in my head as I kissed you, filling you with a hope I already knew was false. Technically we worked great together. Strong fundamentals, beautifully matched bodies, and all the right timing. But technically is not how this kind of chemistry works.

They replaced the lights, on all the blocks in my city. They did it to remove the night. They thought the darkness would go too, but it didn't. It just moved inside of us all. A new safe home. Nowhere left for it to be pulled out and examined. So now the only place it will know is our chests.

capo 6

VERSE
Gravity pulling and suddenly,
I’m in orbit spiraling.
Close my eyes and let it take me,
Flames consuming my re-entry.

PRE-CHORUS
Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh
It feels like I’ve been drifting for so long.
Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh
Now the wind is singing my song.

CHORUS
It came to me, it came to me and suddenly it’s clear,
Sparks are flying, sun is shining every time I’m here.
It came to me, it came to me a blinding flash of light,
Cutting through the darkness, now it’s day when it was night.
And all because it came to me.

VERSE
Waves are crashing in the sea,
Dipped my toes and now I’m sinking.
Hold my breath, the silence is freeing,
Let the ocean consume me.

PRE-CHORUS
It feels like I’ve been drifting for so long.
Ahhh Ahhh Ahhh
Now the wind is singing my song.

CHORUS
It came to me, it came to me and suddenly it’s clear,
Sparks are flying, sun is shining every time I’m here.
It came to me, it came to me a blinding flash of light,
Cutting through the darkness, now it’s day when it was night.
And all because it came to me.

I remember when I knew your face. It's gone now, lost in my past like the rest of it. Just facts and features and none of the parts that matter.

That's how my life is. Mostly Now, because Before is not somewhere I can go.

All my favorite moments lost, disappeared when they ended. Beautiful points in time that no longer belong to me.

I suppose in the end that's how it all must be.

It's a bit sad.
Hard.
Inevitable.

"What if I am empty inside?" The black hole asked his friends.

"You're not. You can't be. Look at all you attract."

But he was.

Some things you can’t explain.

As I left, you asked me if I was ok and I said yes. I wasn't. And maybe someday I can tell you that. It just feels so heavy right now.

capo 4

VERSE
Today the sun was shining but it didn’t cut the cold,
The warmth was missing from all its light.
It was waiting for the clouds to come and hold it close,
I longed for them to also come for me.

A minute lasted for so long I thought my clock has stopped,
I checked it and it ticked right when I did.
I sat staring at a wall with people all around me,
Tears slowly falling from my eyes.

CHORUS
I can’t say I understand all you see in me,
I could think real hard but mostly my mind wanders.
But still I stumble out of sleep and make the bed each morning,
My day’s a day because it has you,
My favorite day because it has you.

VERSE
I wondered why the moon chose today to be so big,
Of course I knew that you’d be in love.
Then it hid behind the hills leaving me to sit alone,
I wished it would’ve stayed a little longer.

It came back again that night as I lay in my bed,
I had one leg just outside the covers.
Sleep wouldn’t come, it was jealous of the Moon,
So I stayed awake cause what else could I do.

CHORUS
My nose is crooked from the break, it scrunches when I grin,
My vision blurs when you fog up my glasses.
I’ll fumble over chords while I sing out of tune,
And hope song brings me back to you,
I’ll let this song bring me back to you.

CHORUS
I have run from yesterday too many times to count,
But I’ve never run as hard or fast as this.
I don’t know where I’m headed but I hope that you’ll be there,
To figure out this tangled world with me.
I hope that we can still untangle me.

I've walked concrete, in the shadows of towering skyscrapers so tall that I am nothing. I have been nothing in A Thousand Ways. The Thousand Ways someone must first be nothing to be something beautiful.

There’s a pile of laundry by my front door.
It’s been there for a week,
but I’m the only one who sees it now.
I mean, I’ve always been the only one who sees it,
it’s just that now I have to see it for longer,
because some things I clean up for myself,
and others I don’t.
Bed made,
shirts wrinkled.
Socks unmatched,
dishes done.
I’ll do it tomorrow,
or whenever you come over next.

Capo 0

VERSE
Do you think god ever cries, on his quiet nights alone,
as he’s laying in his bed up in the clouds?
As he’s watching us all, with troubles of our own.

CHORUS
What do you mean you don’t love yourself?
Please for me, just love yourself.
How can you not love yourself?
I worked so hard on you.

VERSE
Do you think he sees the bombings, and wishes every day,
he would have spent a few more hours on our minds?
Does he watch the late night news and see all how we're all fighting?

CHORUS
What do you mean you don’t love yourself?
Please for me, just love yourself.
How can you not love yourself?
I worked so hard on you.

BRIDGE
Do you think it rains in heaven?
Or is that just here on earth?
A trial to see if we will make it though.

Do you think he saw it coming,
or was it just a surprise?
And now he doesn’t know what to do.

VERSE
Do you think he spent his time so focused on our beauty,
all but certain we would have to see it too?
Do you think he got caught up in his sentimental feelings?

CHORUS
What do you mean you don’t love yourself?
Please for me, just love yourself.
How can you not love yourself?
I worked so hard on you.

VERSE
I hope he knows we’re happy despite all the pain,
sometimes the love is just too deep to see.
And as he’s up there shouting, we’ll be shouting too.

CHORUS
What do you mean you don’t love yourself?
Please for me, just love yourself.
How can you not love yourself?
I worked so hard on you.

Once you told me you could not go on, so I sat with you until you could, because once I could not go on either.

Capo 0

VERSE
I’ve watched you looking for somebody,
Anyone could part the sea.
Stranded in this life you’ve started,
Tired from trying just to be.

CHORUS
So come back to me my baby my baby,
I’ll be the one to set you free.
Come back to me my baby my baby,
I can give you what you need.

VERSE
The roads you’ve walked have led you nowhere,
Nights spent drowned in revelry.
Your friends don’t call you like they used to,
the world’s gone deaf to all your pleas.

CHORUS
So come back to me my baby my baby,
I’ll be the one to set you free.
Come back to me my baby my baby,
I can give you what you need.

VERSE
You used to float up on that skyline
Now you've found you're buried deep,
Pressure pushing all around you,
And all you want to do is sleep.

CHORUS
So come back to me my baby my baby,
I’ll be the one to set you free.
Come back to me my baby my baby,
I can give you what you need.

We are the most human when we don't know, as we sail the in-between. It is where we sink and where we fly. Carried by the wind and grounded by our weight. As we skate along the water, our wakes kissing every shore but holding none. We find our beauty in the balance. Feet on the earth and soul in the sky.

Capo 3

I asked you once, but I’ll ask again,
where were you hiding, when I was at the end?
And now I’m gone, awash with all the salt in the sea.
And the sand just clings to me like misery.

I was lost and I’ve not been found,
I’ve lived my years just stumbling around.
And now I know that being lost is just a part of life.
Let me wander, so I can keep on feeling alive.

I don’t know what lies ahead.
My past is filled, with the things I’ve left unsaid.
And still I go, leaving everything I thought I knew.
I’ll keep on moving, cause that’s the only thing I’m built to do.

I know the moment, that changed it all,
from across the room, you watched me start to fall.
You let me slip, and held me as I finally came to.
Then you told me, “Now hold me as I fall in love with you”.

I was lost and I’ve not been found,
I’ve lived my years just stumbling around.
And now I know that being lost is just a part of life.
Let me wander, so I can keep on feeling alive.

I've never been alone on this corner before. Looking both ways out of habit, crying so loud the moon must hear. And there's no one, not one, around me.

Capo 6

VERSE
These past few days we haven't talked,
I've felt you running cause you think you've had enough.
You used to laugh when I would sing,
Now all those jokes we told are just a distant dream.

CHORUS
And I keep hoping, I’m hoping for the best,
but every day i barely make it though.
I’d give up everything now just to pass this test,
and live my life laying next to you.

VERSE
I know you still don’t think it’s me,
But I’ve been fightin’ way to hard to let you set me free.
I lost the argument tonight,
I’d happily be wrong again, if just make you right.

CHORUS
And I keep hoping, I’m hoping for the best,
but every day i barely make it though.
I’d give up everything now just to pass this test,
and live my life laying next to you.

VERSE
It was cloudy yesterday,
I walked a mile down to the store just soakin’ in the rain.
You were gone when I got home,
I knew that anywhere was where you’d rather go.

CHORUS
And I keep hoping, I’m hoping for the best,
but every day i barely make it though.
I’d give up everything now just to pass this test,
and live my life laying next to you.

You still have my spare keys.
I left them in your pocket,
for you to find when your eyes no longer skip over them to protect me,
when they are not as heavy in your hand.
Worn from hiking; bent from dog piles; dusty from collected nature;
Cold from early mornings and scratched from all the times they slipped out of your vest.
When you see them again,
bring them back to me.
With the locked doors they’ve seen open,
with the stories they’ve felt.
I’ll be ready to listen then,
and strong enough to carry them.

I threw everything into that yell last night.
I wanted to be the most powerful thing for miles,
to drown out the world,
so I could hear myself.

But the train came,
its horn blasting me into oblivion.
Powered by steam and steel,
pinning me to the rocks,
crushing me with octaves.
Resonating until my heart was pounding against my chest,
trying to escape as badly as I wanted it to.

Centuries passed before my ears stopped ringing,
and I could hear myself again.

I thought I was invincible,
unbreakable,
as fundamentally stable as helium.
Inert and singularly sound.
Watching the world while floating skyward,
destined for the beautiful infinity of space.

But you always saw me before I escaped,
and gently pulled me back.

I loved that.

Because of you I realized I did have weakness,
and along with it a deeper strength,
both that came from my bonds with others.
You held me close and grounded me,
you taught me to love the earth.

And now that you’ve let go I am so scared,
terrified you might forget about me for just long enough,
that I’ll drift out of reach.

I don’t want to go to space anymore.