sober

I miss drinking because I think truer then. It's an easy way to fly, an easy way to fall. I can drown with certainty, see the bottom clearly, and remember how high I am after. I can glow and shine and tingle with conviction the world is right, that I am beautiful.

It makes me want to move, to do, to write, to be out there in the beyond. Loose and as comfortable in the world as I wish I always was.

I can love right away with a heart open and raw. I can be furious. Burning alive to ashes on the wind. Gone and here and singularly everywhere. I can focus so much on myself I become everything. I am all there is. Rushing and halting and breathing. Steaming with life.

It is the most beautiful crutch I have ever had. Unlocking me one sip at a time. A fire in my throat powering the furnace in my heart.

-w