everything is loud

Everything is loud right now. You are gone and a heart of this place left with you. The passion that pushed us to what we are. Even the city is yelling "come back and stay here", because what is a body without a heart?

It's a machine. And who gives a fuck about a machine? Wandering across its map made of bytes and bits. Terminals and buses and entirely predictable output. Driven not by dreams but by current. Volts and Watts and nothing I care about.

I used to be machine, or a human who thought I was machine, hoping and wishing for anything. An anything that you showed me how to capture. Your voice raised, pleading for me to see, for us to see. Love them. Love it. There. Is. Beauty.

And now I'll have to remind myself. Push this place alone for awhile, as I know you have for so long. Holding a weight far heavier than the world on your shoulders. Everyone you love pulling you to your knees. And all you can see is yourself. Sleeping, crying, failing. I have folded under that weight, and no one saw me. And I am so sorry that after all of that, I did not see you.

-w